As I think on my recent "trip" one thing keeps on coming to mind, "wasted time". There were plenty of times at which I was present but not really there. I was lost in my mind or my concerns and was allowing those things to take over. There were other times in which I pushed those around me away for similar reasons by being moody or in a foul mood. I now know I was working through things and should have taken time apart from the people I care about during those episodes.
Interestingly I thought saying that I was in a bad mood and would see people later would be a waste of time. Now I know that it was the opposite, excusing myself would have actually been the best way to avoid wasting time. Instead by staying around I made it more difficult for others to be around me and actually made it work to be around me. That caused people around me and my "fellow traveler" to have undue stress and be unable to enjoy the experience as fully as it should have been. In other words, by not excusing myself from these instances I was wasting my time and the time of some of the people around me. I will not torture you with examples of these instances but if you happen to know me and have spent time with me this past year you will know what I am talking about.
I think I also would like to point out that I am writing these things for myself more than others. I could have kept these things in a journal but somehow, in a way I cannot explain, it feels much better to do it here. Maybe I'm hoping someone who may be behind me in this experience reads this and turns around before they get as far as I did? Then again how would they find this blog? haha
